I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
