We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
