i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
