This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
