i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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