note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
