Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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