Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
