your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
