There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
