Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
