Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I die, sorry about rent.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
