coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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