forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
