He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
