Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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