woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
COCAINE IS GR8
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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