so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
