Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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