Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
