I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All I want is dick and wine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
