i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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