I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
