that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
