Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
