My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We talked him into tasing himself.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
