i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
