I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
