Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
