you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
