Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
