nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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