jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
