the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
