fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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