Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
