I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
