Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
