There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
