I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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