I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize