Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
