guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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