well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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