...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
