Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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