you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
