Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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