If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
