maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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