well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize