i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
