You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
