This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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