I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
