It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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