They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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