He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
