hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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