i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
this hospital has no fireball
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
