Moan for me like Helen Keller
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
