my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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