Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
