I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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