Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
