So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
