i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
