Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
