He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
