Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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