Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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