Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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