Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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