I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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