Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
