Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
