Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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