So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
