Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
