i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
