i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
