May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
