All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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