I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
