How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
