i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
