Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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