Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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