I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
