my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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